Being yourself and being nice

Many people advocate "being yourself rather than playing games". And they often talk of being "nice".

As I see it, the goal should be to be the yourself you would be with no fear and in a social position of plenty. This may come out as some sort of 'games' *while learning*. The end result should always be to be more YOU.

As for acting nice: Think carefully - do you appreciate a friend that makes him or herself into a servant for you, or do you appreciate one that sets his or her limits and tell you when you behave inappropriately, helping you grow by providing a kind but firm frame to support you?

I know that some of my close friends, at least, specifically appreciate being with me because I call them on any bullshit. I do this in a matter-of-fact way, setting it up so they can use it. For instance, I'm perfectly content with having an guest occasionaly guest just lounge in the living room while I cook. However, if it is somebody that visit several times weekly over a period, I expect them ask if I need help. If they repeatedly don't - I'll call them on it, even if I don't need help. If they do something to make me angry - and that includes 'unfair angry' - I'll calmly tell them so we can resolve the situation, rather than keep it in. And so on.

I prefer that behaviour towards myself, so I give it to others. It's OK to be kind, take care of things, help people out like a servant *sometimes* - but on average, it should even out, and with new people, there is no 'built up slack' available."