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They'll all fall

Wednesday, March 16, 2005

Being yourself and being nice

Many people advocate "being yourself rather than playing games". And they often talk of being "nice".

As I see it, the goal should be to be the yourself you would be with no fear and in a social position of plenty. This may come out as some sort of 'games' *while learning*. The end result should always be to be more YOU.

As for acting nice: Think carefully - do you appreciate a friend that makes him or herself into a servant for you, or do you appreciate one that sets his or her limits and tell you when you behave inappropriately, helping you grow by providing a kind but firm frame to support you?

I know that some of my close friends, at least, specifically appreciate being with me because I call them on any bullshit. I do this in a matter-of-fact way, setting it up so they can use it. For instance, I'm perfectly content with having an guest occasionaly guest just lounge in the living room while I cook. However, if it is somebody that visit several times weekly over a period, I expect them ask if I need help. If they repeatedly don't - I'll call them on it, even if I don't need help. If they do something to make me angry - and that includes 'unfair angry' - I'll calmly tell them so we can resolve the situation, rather than keep it in. And so on.

I prefer that behaviour towards myself, so I give it to others. It's OK to be kind, take care of things, help people out like a servant *sometimes* - but on average, it should even out, and with new people, there is no 'built up slack' available."


  • If you are not happy with your being, change your being. Often, this comes down to not trying to pretend you are someone else just to mask your insecurities. You will find that if you be yourself, with your own values and norms (for instance, you are nice to people who are nice to you ALSO), and be like that, you will grow much faster for people learn who they deal with. Don't be this look-at-me guy with your friends, and the please-love-me loser with girls. Have your life together. It will pay off tremendously.

    By Blogger Yoshi, at 9:21 PM  

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