Bad Cupid's Wicked Valentines

These are funny (if a trifle late): Bad Cupid's Wicked Valentines

Candy, flowers,
diamond rings:
all things I can't afford.
I spent my cash on surgery
to add inches to my sword!

(Don Swain)

...

I'd like to play
a game with you --
I'm thinking Naked Twister.
I'll bring the board
and lots of wine --
could you please
bring your sister?

(Doug Finney)

... (for sending to an ex) ...

How do I love thee?
Let me count the ways...
um... none!

(Michael Sheinbaum)