Turning off internal dialogue

In the rapport example in the last post, Archangel refers to turning off internal dialogue. This is a sufficiently large topic that a separate post is warranted.

The most effective way to turn off internal dialogue that I know of is reading Dan Scorpio's article "Immediate Practical Choiceless Awareness". Just reading that and contemplating it for ten minutes made me able to silence most internal dialogue.

In conversations, I add in total focus on the other party. I try to always focus on what they are saying, interspacing my own comments when it comes naturally. I do not wait to find a space to say something I want to say - I either interrupt at the moment I get my thought, or drop the thought and go back to focus on what the person is saying. If my thought is important, I know I will get it again when it is appropriate.

The remaining part of my internal dialogue usually consist of repeating various ways of saying something to a person when I am not with the person. This is a stress reaction, and indicate that I have issues relating to that person. These "issues" are usually a combination of direct stress towards the person (something I have not yet communicated to the person, and may never be able to), what I call "back flows", and generic stress anchors. The main monologue/dialogue I can relieve just by focusing on the body feeling I get and relaxing. This release the stress presently associated with that particular issue.

However, the technique often only work temporarily, and sometimes the stress will be too intense to handle that way. I have other techniques I use to extend the stress release to be permanent and to handle hard cases. These will be the topic of a later post.

Magick, Seduction, and NLP+

UlimateSeduction's Archangel has a post on his "8 step method" towards "magickal power". As usual, I'm a sceptic. "Magick" in this case seems to be standard limbic system influence - not magic, but still quite effective. I'll use the chance to also point out Philip H Farber's "Instant Evocation" article, describing a "magick ritual" in NLP terms. It's much, much easier and more useful without the traditional mumbo jumbo.

On another note, Archangel is also the originator of "NLP plus", an attempted simplification of NLP for easier learning. He's only got one example on the website - "how to gain rapport"- and that seems quite good. This is useful for easier learning, at the cost of not getting the full depth of NLP - so "NLP minus" might be a better name - but quicker learning is a significant benefit. It is better to practice something a lot simpler than to not practice seomthing more complex.

As for how to turn off internal dialogue: See next post.

Arranging parties

The latest Cliff's list has a ton of tips on arranging parties (from Midas). Be sure to check them out when you're having a party. I will.

Short Set Method

The "Short Set Method" is how to behave to get into sets in places where there are lots of regulars. It is basically the way I work clubs already when it works well, and recommended for use in private parties. For some reason I have never thought of that...

Basic concept: Do a large number of ultra-short sets. 10 seconds to half a minute or so. Then repeat, repeat, repeat. Always talk to somebody, and always talk to somebody new. Keep switching regardless of indications of interest.

The interesting posts on this from mASF are:

• Tyler Durden, who seems to have initiated the name "Short Set Method".
  
• CraigSD220, who has a long post on "Craig's Natural Way" describing it with more background and detail. The entire thread is searchable here.
  

NLP: Build A Better Solution

I have been busy doing therapy lately, and that tend to focus me on NLP. So: More NLP. Below comes an analysis pattern I use for finding new, better solutions from old ones. Running the pattern is quite a bit of work. I have only used it for areas where I am already an expert, on research directions where all proposals have some drawbacks. On these problems, I have gotten world class solutions (new research directions). I would be interested in hearing about results from trying to use the pattern on simpler issues.

The basic idea is to use existing solution proposals to elicit goals, and then use these goals to create new solution proposals that again can be used to elicit more goals. As I work through the technique, I try to make the goals quite concrete. My benchmark is that I should be able to rank each solution "Very good/Good/Neutral/Bad/Very bad" on each goal.

1. Write down the basic issue you are investigating. (E.g, "Solving my present depression problem.")
   
2. Write down all proposed solutions. Include "keeping the status quo" or "do nothing" as one of the solutions.
   
3. Compare each proposed solution to each other proposed solution. Write down the comparative drawbacks and strengths.
4. Collect all strengths, from everything, into a single list of goals.
   
5. Take all the weaknesses and turn on their heads, and add to the goal (strength) list. For instance, if the drawback of one proposed solution is "It is a lot of work", then "Small amount of effort" could be added to the goal list.
6. Go through each of the proposed solutions, and compare that solution to every goal in the goal list. Write down the results.
   
7. Go through each of the proposed solutions, and see how you can change that solution to be better for each goal. Often, you can mix aspects of two proposed solutions to come up with a new and better one.
8. Repeat the process until you have a "Good enough" proposal.

I'll update this post with an example later.

Tyler Durden: Sets via energy/material vs strength of frame

Tyler posted on using routines vs ad-libbing back in march. The formatting of the post is lousy, it is somewhat long, and it brings over the point better than what I've written.

Getting your own invisible wrinkled asian

... or: How to get better fast.

Remember all the martial arts movies, where the Hero goes out and trains with an ancient chinese master, the master nods at him when the Hero-in-training does something right, and the Hero brighten up like a lightbulb went off? Well, you can have your own invisible seduction teacher - and this is good, because wrinkled asians tends to get in the way of meeting new women.

It's simple: Set up one part of your mind to always watch what you are doing. This part only give praise when you do something right. It reminds you to feel a sense of accomplishment, feel good about yourself for whatever you do right.

The above is my main use of "seduction theory" - I go out, I interact with women naturally, and I make sure I feel good when I do something right. I remember to feel good about moving my attention to other people present, to feel good when I make her intrigued, even to feel good when I give her a little less of me than she wants. The little asian comes out, saying "You doing vely well!"

From today on, you too will have your own invisible asian. Pray that he has good breath.

(outlink) Mind Mastery Course (free book)

I found an introducory booklet on NLP that looks fairly good on Trans4mind.com. It's called "Ken Ward's Mind Mastery Course, Using NLP". If you want to know a bit about NLP as used for self-therapy, this is probably a good place to start.

Encyclopedia of NLP is now online

I had not noticed before: The Encyclopdia of NLP is online and has been for years. The encyclopedia is quite good - use it whenever you wonder about something. Unfortunately, the online version is limited to 25 page views per day.

State Control

JacknCoke has a long post about State Control in the context of approaches/contextual anxiety over on Badboy Lifestyle. Thanks to Thundercat for originally noticing the post.

However, this only covers a small gamut of state control, and very few techniques around it (basicallly just repeated desensitivisation therapy without the fancy name.)

I find state control highly useful, and I have a few techniques I use for increased state control (if you don't know what an anchor is, reading this exercise should hopefully make you understand and make it easy to start using them more consciously.)

• Maybe my most useful technique: I use focus control to change what state I get into. By changing what aspect of the sitation I get the state from. Good aspects of body feeling can usually be used as a positive influence, the prettiness of a colour or an architectural detail, the amazing physical patterns of a raindrop, the wonderful fractal complexity of a tree, that it's turning into spring, the memory of that amazing feeling of walking on a field of round pebbles, the taste of coffee, the flow of actually writing. All of these are aspects of the situation just now. I can go into an "up" state just by switching my focus around; if you try it, you'll easily learn how, too.
  
• I use my entire body language as a sort of anchor. This is an "anchor" that naturally exists as part of the limbic system. By forcing your body language to match a particular state, you will (to a large degree) force that state. Just do it.
• I have consciously usable anchors for switching into a number of different states. The most important ones are sexual state and a few different relaxed states. NOTE: On my own and in normal state, I find "imagine a resource experience and anchor from that" to be fairly difficult. Instead, I anchor resource experiences when I have them. In trance, I occasionally anchor from memories or imagined experiences, and I find it fairly effective in that context.
  
• On purpose, I anchor negative states when in field. I then override the state to a positive one, and at a later point I use handling techniques to fix the issues that lead to the negative state. To deal with the states, I find the following useful: Swish pattern, dual brain hemisphere stimulation, anchor blending (including EFT/TFT, which are mainly anchor blends with mumbojumbo), submodality changes and/or resource addition on chained memories, various hypnosis/visualisation exercises, and "emotion bleeding" - just going into the state and spending some time there "listening to my feelings". NOTE: Anchoring negatives is an advanced technique. Use only if you are good at self-therapy.

Does love exist?

Psychology Today attempts to gather the lowdown on "Love" - by collecting quotes on it. I was especially moved by

The truth [is] that there is only one terminal dignity - love. And the story of love is not important - what is important is that one is capable of love. It is perhaps the only glimpse we are permitted of eternity.

-Helen Hayes

I found the following useful in helping me better define aspects of "love" (and thus be able to think somewhat better about it):

A HOT MOIST FIRE

I find it helpful to distinguish among lust, eros (romantic love and infatuation), and caritas (loving kindness and attachment); once sexually mature, lust clearly exists (that hot moist fire in the belly and genitals that it takes maturity to control and channel), though cultures vary in the specific ways in which sexual attraction shows itself. Eros is a heady experience when we yearn to merge with the desired one, but alas, it is of short duration. It is caritas that we hope follows eros, a steady bathing of our being with calm and security, like that a mother provides to an infant, or if we are fortunate, that holds marriages together for decades. Lust and eros assure that coming together of male and female through coupling and procreation; caritas takes over to assure loving care of human children.

-Alice S. Rossi, Ph.D., Professor of Sociology

"caritas" is a new word for me; I'm used to "agape" (which is the non-sexual part of love, so love = eros + agape), and "caritas" seems to cover a slightly different aspect.

Unfortunately, the quote continues with what I see as a wishwashy emotional view of the world:

Women are the unsung heroines of social integration. In the world of kinship, women provide the steady beat, the loyalty, the caring that puts beauty and security into our life. Men are slowly and painfully learning caritas, though still more likely than women to resist intimacy and caritas, and hence to desert women and their children when eros fades.

-Alice S. Rossi, Ph.D., Professor of Sociology

... and women are more likely to have a lot of sex when they are younger (statistics supposedly say that the median 22-year-old female has twice as much sex as the median 22-year-old male), have about 2/3s the level of infidelity as men (14% of married females vs 22% of males has been unfaithful at least once), and are generally the ones that block "eros" (... fades. Yeah, right.)

I've also found another good collection of love quotes.

Dating solved!

I was searching for something else and suddenly found this site, which has solved dating and love. Wow. I'll just have to pack up - there's nothing more for me to write ;-)

On formulating good affirmations

As you might have gathered, I am into details. I experience that details can easily make or break things, and are (in sum) as important as the "major lines".

Affirmations are basically hypnotic inductions - things you say to reinforce or create a belief. As a such, phrasing is important. Below is a short list of things to consider when formulating affirmations.

1. The most effective pronoun to use for affirmations is "We". Not I, not you - "We". As in "We are dominant".
   
2. Affirmations talk to the subconscious mind. The subconscious mind is bad with negations - it sometimes notice them and sometimes forget them. Formulate your affirmations in the positive: "We are calm and relaxed" rather than "We are not afraid".
   
3. Preferable, we process the affirmation in one go. So make it short and to the point; if you have several things you need to say to us, use several affirmations!
   
4. Keep it simple, stupid.
   

IN10SE's techniques for end game

ijjjji just posted a reference to this year old post by IN10SE on end game, titled "Value Vs Attraction". I found it quite interesting; especially, the part about being deliberately incongruent between words and actions rung a bell. I've had very good results with talking about completely different things while going physical with a woman, and I hadn't brought that aspect of those success to my attention. I also look forward to trying out switching from talking innocent and being physical to talking about being physical and behaving innocently and back again.

Where to start learning seduction

A lot of guys (well, four) have asked me to write on this subject. I'll give it a try, and as always: No warranty, try at your own risk, and do not put your cat into the text while the power is on.

Important advice

1. Most important: Practice a skill until you have it mastered. Then add another skill. And another. Attempting to handle all skills at the same time will result in you aquiring none - and getting no results.


2. To get girls, you need to make getting each particular girl unimportant. I do that by focusing on my game[1] rather than the possible lay. No matter what the result of the set is, I have gotten to practice my game - and thus gotten better at it.


3. Subcommunication is extremely important. This is will make or break your game. Read Tyler Durden's 25 points (to get more background) and use Sheriff's 31 points as a checklist.


4. Being a good seducer is any one of a million skill sets. No two seducers has the exact same skillset. What is important is to find a set of skills that match your personality, and using those to good effect.
   

[1] Specifically, I focus on voice use, body language, attention control, and reading the other people involved.

In field

1. Eye contact is something you'll need to handle. If you cannot already do so, train yourself to be able to keep eye contact with any girl indefinately (that is, until she looks away.) This alone will help your interaction with people, and it is simple to start training.


2. Approaching girls gives you a close to infinite number of girls to interact with. This makes it much easier to consider the particular girl you've just approached unimportant. It also makes it much easier to consider any other girl you happen to talk to as unimportant. Overall, this gives you a much larger chance to try out new techniques with no investment. Eye contact training makes approaching much easier.


3. Routines is a brilliant form of training wheels. And that's also their most significant function - training wheels for getting confident, for getting your subcommunication in place, for knowing that you can speak to girls continually. You should use these - and you should be ready to take them off the moment you can. I personally use routines - and I pull fairly regularly - and I've never combined the use of routines with pulling girls. A requirement for training routines reasonably well is being able to approach. Also note that you'll need to use a routine 20+ times before it sounds really natural. So add some at a time, and remove them all when you are ready for it (then maybe reintroduce some of them after a while).
   

In- and out of field exercises

1. Learn to read body language. This let you know when the girls are interested, when what you're saying works, who's dominant in the moment, and a whole host of other things. Besides, it helps your subcommunication in the other direction.


2. Practice alpha body language. This means taking space and moving slowly, mostly. Observe the body language of those that seem "manly", and try to copy that - if you copy a series of different characters, your natural body language will improve and become more flexible.


3. Practice attention control. Know where your attention is, and track how your body language express this. By using attention as reward, you can easily establish higher value, and you make anybody want your attention. This is useful both for seduction and in regular life.
   

Out of field exercises

1. Answer Razorjack's questions. Answering these will help your inner game, and may point out areas in your life where you want to improve to help your inner game.


2. Do voice training. A minimal amount of voice training will give you a lot back. I especially recommend trying to sing your normal speech for an hour, playing with your voice when talking to your wing (put pressure "randomly" at first, and you'll learn how to use it well later), and trying to out-frame your wing - talk loudly and both of you try to just keep talking and increasing volume when the other tries to interrupt.]


3. Read They'll All Fall regularly :-)

How to write jokes

I just found an article on joke structure by David Granirer, a stand-up comedian. This should be useful for writing your own material (and understanding why material works).

In the same vein (or at least one close by): A Theory of Humor by Thomas C. Veatch is one of the tools I find useful for making things more funny. It is quite abstract, though.

Women coming from giving fellatio?

Over in A Bad Man In A Bad Place, Eric Castello asks if there exists women that come from oral sex alone. I cannot speak from personal experience, and I've still got input to share: Two techniques I've learned . Both of these techniques allow you to move orgasm sensitivity from the clitoris/vagina to other spots on the body. Both are also reported field tested with success (my own field tests only indicate that I need more than a one nighter to perform the second technique.)

Technique 1: Cross-anchoring (originator: An unknown poster on mASF)

This should be a fairly simple technique to perform, much simpler than the hypnotic technique. The hypnotic technique is faster, though.

To induce a cross-anchor, you exploit the structure of the neural system: "Neurons that fire together wire together". Simply provide the same stimulus at two different point, and any effect will be linked. The best way to start this is by giving as close to the exact same stimulation to her clitoris and nipple until she comes (use a lubricant on the nipple to increase similarity). When you have done this a few times, she will start coming from nipple stimulation - and she will be a believer. This will make repeating the procedure for another body part much easier. The original poster stated that he'd done a transfer to the earlobe using this technique. I find that plausible.

In order to transfer to mouth orgasm, I'd first transfer to the nipples (as they should be fairly easy), then the ear lobe, and then the mouth. This would establish a sort of yes set for the transfer, and the mouth transfer is the one I see as most likely to be difficult.

To increase the efficiency of the technique, focus her attention on what you are doing - continually talk about the feeling in her nipple, how it brings her closer to orgasm, etc.

Technique 2: Hypnotic transfer (from David Shade)

So, we have the above technique making it fairly easy to do a transfer. It just takes a bit of time. For those that are planning to do this many times, it is probably better to learn David Shade's technique. It basically go as follows (assuming my memory works reliably; a dubious proposition at best, so all blame to me, all credit to David):

1. Put the girl into deep trance using the technique of your choice. (David include an example Elman induction script in his book; see previous post for the Elman script I prefer.)
   
2. Make her orgasm on command by describing exactly what should be happening in her body (contractions of the vagina etc). I use standard Milton techniques when I do this.
3. Link commanded orgasms to also be possible to trigger from her nipples (optional but recommended)
4. Link commanded orgasms to also be possible to trigger from stimulation of the lips, and link the pleasure to having a penis in her mouth.
   

I highly recommend David's book for details on this and other sexual techniques.

Fullfilling goals: Stepups and stepdowns

The other day, I wrote a bit about well-formed goals. In it, I quickly mentioned step ups and step downs. As I see stepping up and down as probably the single most important thing in making goals happen, I think a little more depth is in order. If you use this well and your goals are overall well-formed, progress will "just happen" - motivation and results will follow naturally.

So, what are these magical steps? Briefly, step downs go from larger to smaller goals. Smaller goals are easier to complete and more concrete. Completing them show obvious progress towards the larger goal. Thus, step downs make it possible to complete larger goals. Step ups go from smaller to larger goals. Larger goals are more motivating than the small ones (otherwise, there would be no point in the larger goal.) Thus, step ups allow you to find motivation to complete a small goal, by linking the small goal to your larger life goals.

Let's start with a step up. You want to clean your apartement, and you lack motivation. Step up: What larger goal can you get motivation from? Maybe "I want the hot babe you're bringing home tonight to be as positive to you as possible."? I know that will motivate me, at least - and the cleaning is suddenly easy to do. In general, if you're having problems motivating yourself to do something - do a step up. If you cannot find any larger goal that motivate - the small goal is probably pointless anyway. Go do something fun instead.

As a schematic, the step up goes as follows:
1. Find a bigger goal that the small goal supports
2. Is adding the motivation from that bigger goal enough to motivate you to do the small goal?
3. If it doesn't, repeat step 1-3 until there are no more big goals.
4. Still not motivated? Drop the small goal.

Step downs are a bit more tricky. In a step up, the larger goals to link against are generally obvious. Linking against the wrong larger goal matters little - you just link to as many goals as you need to get motivation. And you can find the larger goals by free association. In a step down, you need to create the smaller goals. Also, you can only pursue a limited number of smaller goals at a time, so the exact stepdown you choose is important.

So - how do you find what stepdown to do? Just ask "What resources do I need to achieve this (larger) goal?" Often, you'll find it easier to ask "What's blocking me from achieving this goal right this very minute?", and turning all the blocks on their heads. A problem is just a resource or an outcome turned on its head.

Let us do an example: Assume the goal "I want to get laid." What's blocking me from achieving this right now? Hmm. Seems like there would have to be a girl here. And she'd have to be horny. And want me. And we'd need some privacy. And we'd need some rubbers or an STD test.

Reversing these, the step-down goal opportunities would be:
- Choose a girl
- Move to somewhere private
- Make her want me
- Make her horny
- Get rubbers (actually, I already have them)

Now, in order to fullfill several of the above goals, I've just sent an SMS inviting a girl I've laid before over for dinner at my place tonight. :-)

Inner Game: Riker AUT's exercise

1. Find your own perfect girls (search up pictures on the Internet to get a concrete image, finding maybe ten perfect girls)
2. Imagine the most embarrasing thing you'd be willing to do - in public - to get this girl.
3. When considering doing something while training - think of that image. Then the thing you're about to do seems fairly tame.

Riker also reminds us that the perfect girls are getting laid - and that there is no significant physical difference between the men that lay them and you, only mental differences. Mental qualities that you can aquire.

The original post is here.

Strengthening your frame: An exercise.

This simple exercise trains two things: Frame strength and voice projection.

With a wing, practice interrupting each other and not getting interrupted. Use a loud voice to try to interrupt the other party. When your wing tries to interrupt you, practice increasing loudness and keep speaking.

This is much, much harder to do than it sounds - and doing it is a great way to increase both frame strength and voice projection.

NLP: Using POSERS to create good goals

Design has just published a list of goals for the new year. For somebody doing life improvement through pickup training, most of these are good goal ideas. However, most of them are not well formed goals.

What do I mean by well formed goals? It is an NLP term. A well formed goal follows POSERS - shorthand for being Positive, having an Own part, being Specific, having well-known Evidence, having the Resources available, and being of the right Size. In addition, it is common to do an ecology check.

Did that tell you much? Maybe, but it's probably still not concrete enough to be really useful. Let's try applying it a few times, going through Design's goals with the checklist:


"Get in shape (dude, how am I supposed to fuck the shit out of a hot babe when I get winded 5 minutes in?)"

Positive: This is a positive formulation. It is something you want, instead of something you're trying to avoid
Own part: Yeah, you have influence/control of whether you get in shape
Specific: This isn't really specific - "in shape" is a very general statement. It's specific in that it has a timeframe, and that's good, but the rest is also necessary.
Evidence: No evidence for goal completion. What will your senses tell you when you've reached the goal? E.g, "I will be able to walk up five floors and not be out of breath afterwards" or "I'll be able to have sex for at least half an hour and still be full of energy" or "My thighs will be all firm on the inside, up against the scrotum". Be specific in these, and use the feedback for checking this to reformulate the goal.
Resources: What resources do you need in order to reach the goal? For the goal above:
- A training plan
- Motivation
- Training equipment
- Knowledge
- Maybe a partner?
Size: Is this goal the right size? Do you need a larger goal for motivation, or a smaller goal to make it easier to achieve? For the specific case here, I'd say the goal is too fuzzy to really be possible to measure as to size. It is clear that you'll need to do a stepdown (create subgoals) in order to achieve the goal, and I'd just set this as a long term goal to be source of motivation, and then create clearer subgoals.
Ecology (sorry, no place in the keyword for that): How does this fit with your other goals? Are there any negative interactions from it? For this case, I think the ecology should be fine - this really is a stepdown from general life improvement, and seems quite reasonable. The only issue is that the non-specific version may have a time competition with the other goals, which could be an ecological problem. The more specific versions will probably fix this.

"eat better"

Positive: Yup.
Own part: Yup.
Specific: Nope. So you'll need to step down to get something specific.
Evidence: Missing.
Resources: Knowledge about what is healthy and not, eating plan (mental or written down), the various supplements to use in this (if applicable) - e.g, protein powder, omega 3 source(s), vitamin/mineral/antioxydant supplies (NOTE: There are tremendous quality differences here), recipes for making the kind of food you want to eat, etc.
Size: IMO OK as a motivational, but need more concrete stepdowns to be useable in practice.
Ecology: Should be good, though there may be an interaction against the economy goal (supplements cost...)

For the remaining ideas, I'll just comment on the checklist factors I think there may be issues with.

"Make at least three guy friends who I really respect (including at least one PUA)"

Specific, Evidence: I'd try to define "really respect" carefully. The evidence should be obvious. I'd also try to list out resources that would be useful for this (e.g, an arena for meeting said people, some way to evaluate them) and do a step-down based on that ("Get into the local LAIR" or "Learn to talk to people that look like PUAs while sarging").

"Get to the point where I never see a girl I'm attracted to who I don't open"

Positive: This is a double negative. Reformulation: Get to the point where I always open any girl I see and find attractive. Should be resource and size mapped; the goal is fairly ambitious, I think. I don't know whether even the master PUAs do this.

Write another book
Try at least five new activities (snowboarding, sky diving, paint ball, etc.)

These seems OK with regards to the checklist; resource mapping necessary to make the stepdown goals, of course.

Watch less TV / read more than I watch TV

The first formulation is a negative. The latter is OK, and seems a good goal. My own variant of this, which I have followed for many years now, is "Don't watch TV at home." I've kept this since 1997.

Improve my fashion sense

Could be more specific, lack evidence, needs resource/subgoal stepdowns.

Keep posting to this blog at least once a day

Good goal; ambitious, though. Ecology check makes me think of it as a possible time conflict.

Develop my alpha characteristics

Needs stepdown to give concrete goals (specific, evidence)

Find a hobby other than Pick Up

Evidence.

Sarge at least five times a week, three sets per sarge

Nice specificity. Evidence is fairly obvious. Might be a resource problem, and a size problem (the goal may be too specific and need to be linked to other goals in a step up to achieve motivation). Time ecology is a definite issue here. (I know that 5 times a week with 3 sets is more than I'd be comfortable with at the moment, at least.)

Decide what I want to do with my life and make significant strides towards doing it

Evidence? This looks like two goals, and one of them is ill-defined before the first one is done.

Be able to define what kind of girl I'm looking for for a long term relationship

Looks good, though again missing evidence for completion. Define "define".


There - I hope you all find this useful. The checklists become fairly automatic to use over time, and the goals you make become better - easier to achieve, giving more satisfaction when achieve, more motivating, etc.